McDonough Editorial

Do we really understand what happens when we’re trapped in the mindset of proving perfection? It is a narrative projected on us by the masses, and the side effects that linger are just now coming to surface. In terms of our language and trying to navigate communication, perfectionism and the fear of failure can leave us making a lot of statements and unable to fulfill them. 

Among a wide variety of tools within our language, the effects are best shown when dealing with promises and apologies. Now, we can all think of our own word banks that come up when either of those moments cross our path, but it’s more complex than whatever we can manage to say at the time. Both of these statements, layered with different meanings, require the language to be followed by action to prove any validity. When we try to work with these things while holding the lens of perfectionism, that process is stunted because there is a lag in the action.  We get so busy trying to time everything perfectly for the desired reaction, that we never notice our previous words have started to wither away. A promise left unspoken is never recognized and an apology never acted on is empty. Let’s be clear, we are talking about perfectionism as a societal mindset, not the perfectionism that can come as a result of trauma. 

The standard of perfection thrives on what it can force us to believe. It’s a voice that says everything is normal when we twist ourselves into knots just to avoid mistakes. If life just so happens to get ahead of us and one or two things slip through our fingers, we better be prepared for the ridicule that is coming from the same unseen passenger. Meanwhile, during that performance, we keep putting off all the promises and apologies we have yet to complete, trying to find the right words for some kind of an extension in forgiveness.  Even though they might be heartfelt, our words can only fix so much when they don’t prove to predict any action.

Such an impossible juggling act, paired with years of repeating “Do as I say not as I do”, has set us up as a whole to accept the statements  people give us and simply let the words be enough. We were all taught to remember our manners and make sure that an apology is stated to the person who deserves it. But there is a certain amount of resentment that can build up when it becomes apparent we are just checking a box. Most of the time, it is never done with the intent of hurting someone in our lives, but when there are so many distractions, it can happen anyway.

In walks the fear of failure, perfectionism’s sidekick that bursts in with no warning and every ability to throw us off track. Sometimes we manage to power through the complicated feelings  and come out the other side. But when it comes to what rolls off our tongues, the fear of failure can stop us from necessary adjustments and the risk that comes with them. If we follow through on our words without everything set up as exepected, the effort might be overshadowed by the missing pieces. People might notice that we changed course, will they see it as a mistake this whole time? The hamster wheel of overthinking starts to roll and the perfectionist standard wins. It’s too easy to end up stuck without acting on anything. In all reality, some kind of attempt to follow through on your word is better than eventually having no integrity. 

When our own perfectionistic speech and habits are left unchecked, the list of unfulfilled promises gets too long and not much has changed after all those apologies. The actual image of ourselves twists into a reflection we won’t want to recognize. Our character takes blow after blow and it is a long road to come back from. But when we are trying to live to a standard just to be on the bandwagon, we don’t realize it’s happening till we’re already in a situation.

As a collective group, we have the opportunity and obligation to step away from the damage of the perfection narrative in our language. Through recognition of our words and habits, there lives power to create a future where our integrity and our words aren’t controlled by the impossible.